from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to xxxxxxx@craigslist.org
date Sat, Feb 13, 2010 at 3:41 PM
subject Party help.
David-
Saw your ad about needing an Oompah Loompah. I’d love to hear more about what you need. Let me know.
Nate
from David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
to Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
date Sat, Feb 13, 2010 at 4:58 PM
subject Re: Party help.
I need a small person that doubles as a oompah loompah
Sent from my iPhone
from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
date Sat, Feb 13, 2010 at 6:04 PM
subject Re: Party help.
Got it. I am totally the guy for you. I’m very professional and have had many acting gigs and extra roles - mostly for student films and cable access shows, but once when I lived in Los Angeles I had a speaking part in an episode of ‘Jake and the Fatman’. I played a mouthy circus performer with a heart of gold who helped Jake track down a missing trapeze artist (Calista Flockhart in an early uncredited role - and yes she’s just as hot in person) who was scheduled to testify against a circus magnate. Bill Conrad bummed 7 smokes from me between takes that week and never bought me another pack of Marlboros like he said he would. That’s alright though, it was a nasty habit. I dropped it years ago. Smoking that is - not hanging out with Bill. Although I stopped that years ago, too. He died.
Anyway, like I said I’ve played many roles especially for little people - leprecauns, Santa’s elves, cupid, Tiny Elvis, The boogeyman, Baby New Year. In fact, you might remember something I’ve done locally - in 1994 I had a small one-man play in Stillwater where I played the entire cast of Hogan’s Heroes and recreated the second season Christmas episode “Silent Nächtlich.” I’m very versatile.
Couple questions - Will you be able to provide makeup/wig/costume or can those be expensed? I’ve got a cousin who owns a tanning salon with a spray-on booth that I can use for free, so if you prefer me to be naturally orangeish, I can start now. Also, the woman in the apartment next to me is a seamstress who makes most of my costumes for me. She does amazing work and cuts me a great deal because I do some handiwork and basic carpentry around her place for her. She bedazzled my entire Tiny Elvis jumpsuit by hand. You’ve never seen finer craftsmanship.
I’m very negociable on salary. Make an offer that you think is fair. I will have to ask for a bit extra if I’m going to be doing something that might require me to launder the costume - jumping out of a cake, standing in a chocolate fountain, riding a labrador retriever with a special saddle (that I’d provide!), etc.
Thanks! Really excited to be working with you.
Sincerely,
Nathan
from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
date Tue, Mar 2, 2010 at 4:44 PM
subject Re: Party help.
Hey David. Sorry if buried you with details before. I was only trying to enforce that I’m professional, positive, and thorough. I’d really like to help you with your event. Let me know.
N
from David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
to Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
date Wed, Mar 3, 2010 at 12:54 PM
subject Re: Party help.
Thank you for following through.
I am traveling and will be returning Friday.
Your resume looks to be fairly deep. The party is for kids and is not requisite of an extensive acting history. With that said, if you are interested, the party would be from about 7-9pm.
Please let me know what you would charge for the main ( and only) role of an Oompah loompah.
Iuf you could forward a picture that would be great.
thank you
Sent from my iPhone
from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
date Wed, Mar 3, 2010 at 3:35 PM
subject Re: Party help.
Hello, David. Thanks for getting back to me. I see that you mentioned that this engagement doesn’t require an extensive acting resume. I’d argue that nothing could be further from the truth. Even the untrained mind can appreciate the elaborate stagecraft that’s required for a method actor to adequately prepare for a performance. As Konstantin Stanislavsky, inventor of the Method, once said “There are no small parts, only small actors.” And while I am only 3’ 7” in stature, with the proper hours and weeks of meditation and motivation training, on stage I am a commanding 6’ 2” tall.
(Not really. Its only a metaphor.)
And so, I shall play your Oompah Loompah as no Oompah Loompah has ever been played before. As if his dialogue was penned by the Bard’s own hand. For theater in my muse, my mistress, and my lover - and, as such, I shall bring a professionalism that is nary seen in this day and age to your party regardless of what VFW hall, cul-de-sac backyard, or fast food pizza chain it happens to be in.
To answer your questions, my requested fee for this performance is $150. I’ll need a place to change and might need someone to help me zip up my suit. My parole officer is totally cool with me doing a kids party as long as I’m gone by 9:30 and I steer clear of alcohol.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon. What day in April is the party?
Nathan
from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 5, 2010 at 1:56 PM
subject Re: Party help.
Hey, David. Just need to hear back from you on when the party is so I can make sure my calender is clear.
Please let me know as soon as possible.
Nate
from David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
to Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 5, 2010 at 2:24 PM
subject Re: Party help.
leave me a phone number and I will call you shortly, no pun intended
—
David
from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 5, 2010 at 2:41 PM
subject Re: Party help.
David! No offense taken. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly! Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen expenses, I’m saving up and I don’t have a phone right now. (The fee for your party will raise me over the top! No pun intended either!) Do you have other questions for me that I haven’t covered?
N
from David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
to Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 5, 2010 at 2:43 PM
subject Re: Party help.
please stop emailing me
from Nathan <xxxxx@gmail.com>
to David <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 5, 2010 at 2:50 PM
subject Re: Party help.
What? Did I do or say something? You know, I’m starting to think that you really did mean that pun a little bit ago.
I’ll be honest - when I got this message, it made me queasy and I had to sit down. (And yes, I didn’t have far to go to sit down. I know you were thinking it. Little legs. Very mature, David.) I’ve really been looking forward to this for weeks now and have already started my research - I rented both Wonka movies and read Charlie and the Chocolate factory three times. I even reread James and the Giant Peach and Fantastic Mr. Fox just to see if Wonka or Oompah Loompahs popped up. (They didn’t.)
Thank you for your time. Good luck finding a performer.
Confused,
Nathan
